Maybe You Should Talk to Somebody

Trauma heightened my sensitivities, causing me to double over in emotional pain, while others looked on in confusion because the trauma dog whistle was inaudible to the ears of the non-traumatized. - Dr. Brooklyn Chick

As someone who has experienced therapy myself, I can attest that it's not just a life changer, but a life saver. Therapy can indeed be a transformative experience, but let's not ignore the less-than-comfortable truths about it.

Uncomfortable Truths About Therapy

Therapy can feel awkward, and let's face it, it is. I mean, think about it. You're essentially booking an appointment to spill your innermost thoughts and feelings to a complete stranger (though, make sure they're a stranger with a VALID license to practice). Who wouldn't feel a bit uneasy about sharing such personal matters with someone they barely know?

And while we're on the topic, let's toss in our trust issues and any baggage we've picked up along the way. Plus, being in the military didn't exactly encourage sharing personal info. Let's just embrace the awkwardness, shall we? As they say in the military, it's time to "embrace the suck." Therapy, when done right, is akin to eating your vegetables. It might not be your favorite thing, but it sure does make you stronger.

Talking to a therapist can feel downright terrifying, especially for first-time clients. They often come into my office with three types of fear:

Fear of the unknown Fear of being judged Fear of the unknown (yes, it's worth mentioning twice) All three fears usually stem from misconceptions about therapy. Some clients believe that going to therapy means dredging up every painful memory from their life, starting from the womb. But let's set the record straight: a compassionate therapist won't rush you into processing intense emotions without your consent or ensuring you're ready for it. And if they do tread into sensitive territory, it's perfectly okay to let them know you need some extra time or support before going there.

Contrary to what daytime talk shows might suggest, the goal of therapy is not to reduce you to a quivering mess. While some clients do shed a tear or two (especially those with a history of trauma), inducing tears isn't a therapist's badge of honor. My aim is to help clients unpack their pain so that it no longer dictates their actions and relationships.

Now, let's address a common question: "I'm having a rough day, week, etc. Do I need therapy?"

Well, it depends. How is your rough day, week, etc., impacting your life and those around you? Are you emotionally bleeding out? Mental health is just as crucial as physical health, if not more so, as poor mental health can compromise your physical well-being.

Deciding to see a therapist is a deeply personal choice. While others may encourage you to seek therapy, ultimately, the decision rests with you, and here's why:

No one can force you into treatment, except in specific safety-related situations. For instance, if you pose a danger to yourself or others. Legal requirements for involuntary commitment vary by state, and the military may have its own rules regarding treatment. Successful therapeutic relationships hinge on establishing a safe, authentic, trusting connection. A person who is coerced into therapy is likely to be guarded and reluctant to open up. It's much easier to form a connection with someone who willingly participates in therapy than with a mandated client.

So, how do you choose a therapist?

When I say "therapist" in this context, I'm referring to mental health professionals, including psychiatrists, psychologists, clinical social workers, psychiatric nurses, marriage & family therapists, and licensed professional counselors. It's a blanket term.

There are plenty of folks out there offering their services to help with life's challenges—life coaches, counselors, therapists, spiritual advisors, you name it. But not all of them are qualified or legally permitted to provide therapy.

My number one rule for finding a therapist is simple: choose someone with a current and valid license. A license means they've received the necessary education and met all legal requirements to practice. It also means they're accountable to a governing body, providing you with recourse if something goes awry.

Sure, titles and letters after a therapist's name may look impressive, but knowing they're properly licensed is what matters most to me when I'm seeking mental health care. While there are other types of counselors who may not be licensed, ask yourself this: when choosing a doctor for a medical issue, would you opt for an unlicensed provider?

I'm not discounting the value of other forms of healing, like consulting with shamans, pastors, or spiritual healers, especially in certain cultures. These providers may offer different perspectives and resources. But even if I choose to work with an herbalist, I'd still see a licensed doctor if I needed surgery.